The Chairman's Column: The double-edged sword of Praise

Many of us believe strongly in the power of praise. As parents or teachers we feel that praising is one of those things that we need to do as often as possible. We may even feel proud that we give praise at a level we might never have received as a child. 

I have always felt that praising needed to be specific to be effective. I have tried to put this into practice both as a mother to my three boys and as a teacher. This sounds easy enough in theory, but in practice it proves to be quite hard. I have trained hundreds of teachers in the art of praising, yet when I observe them in practice, I still hear comments like “You’re smart” or ‘You’re a bright young girl”. I knew that teachers making such comments were well-intentioned, but simply missing a valuable opportunity to do even better by making their praise more specific.

Recently, my attention was drawn to a best-selling book entitled Nurture Shock. The authors, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, reference some compelling, research-based evidence that such praise may actually undermine the confidence it was intended to build. Parents and teachers may be guilty of patting themselves on the back for doing something that might actually be damaging to the children they were trying to nurture.

The authors explain that we may feel that telling a child she is smart will build her confidence. However, it appears that this praise may only reinforce the belief that intelligence is innate. Children who are praised for being smart often lose confidence when facing adversity. Therefore, they may avoid trying to do something that they perceive as challenging. In contrast, children who are praised for their effort tend to work harder in challenging situations.

So I used to think that praise was the key to increasing self-confidence and reinforcing positive behavior. Now I know better. We cannot simply tell a child that he is intelligent, bright or smart. When a child “aces” a test, he deserves praise for working carefully or for the hard work done prior to the test, but not simply for a near-perfect score. You see, we must focus our praise on effort, not results.

I encourage you to read Nurture Shock and challenge yourself to alter your praise for the children you are nurturing. And that, we know, will produce results!

Cheryl Raper, F.O.C.U.S. Chairman 

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